the land of the sun

"You make me happy."

I smiled- he said everything for me. From the beginning, it was just mutual, it's always been mutual. And now, it was known. And we were happy.

Everything happens for a reason.

It's cliche, I know, but there is no other way of putting it. It's like you're looking for something and it never comes into view. But the moment you end this thought process of searching, something pops up- somebody appeared.

It was as if I had already met you before, seen that smile I enjoy so much, observed that animated face you can never let be still. It's as if our fingers have been introduced in the past and our lips used to be friends.

Since the night we collided, the thought of you has drifted around my mind like a boat that's lost its anchor.

Where did my anchor go?

They don't love you like I love you

Nothing is ever consistent. Nothing is stable and secure. Routines and order are non-existent. I live transiently with moments and memories only briefly existing.

This is currently my life.

There is only one thing though, one thing that has remained a constant - my desire to reside in Gainesville. The idea of feeling like I belong here. The dream of feeling irreplaceable in a town full of young students just like me- the list is endless in a pool of emotions towards this little town, this part of Florida that has left me captivated and homesick. I cannot fathom having to leave here just yet- if fate was a God, they'd be personally speaking to me from the clouds- something along the lines of, "it's not time." And I would look up confused at first but then I would just understand because if nothing else on this planet or in this time in my life makes me happy, Gainesville does. The big trees and how the sunlight drifts through their leaves while the wind blows. The coffee shop that I favor over all because it's outside night lights that linger above my steaming cup and racing mind. The culture that circulates through the college town like a constant current. The fashionistas, the crusty kids, the burnouts, the students- the people in general. The families and farmers markets. The orange hued sunsets that fall over University Boulevard like there is a fire just over the horizon. The smell of fall. The colorful, vintage locked up bikes that adorn each and every corner. The delicate prairie that is a circle of life which surrounds the city. The fact that you can walk into any store, any bar, or any party and know at least somebody.

The nightlife. The lifestyles. The lovers. The bums. The starry nights. The inspiration, creativity, and infinite buzz of people participating, working, and moving about the streets.

If I can say I've ever had a love at this point in my life, I wouldn't give some boys name or initials or dreamy story. I wouldn't speak of an old high school crush or current fling.

I would probably just smile and it would stretch from ear to ear.

The smile would be careful as much as it would be exuberant. Because as much as living in Gainesville has brought me pain, it was never intentional.

It was always beautiful.