I selfishly wanted something easy and carefree- it was about to be summertime. I wanted there to be no problems, no insecurities, doubts, and set backs. I didn't want to listen to your word vomit and ramblings. And most of all, I didn't want you to love me, because I wasn't ready to love you back, even if I already did.
In that moment when all of these things came rushing in, I took the latter. Without giving you a choice, a chance, I ended things blindly. And now, I am left with regret. Regret for what could have been. What could have potentially been amazing, passionate, lovely, and beautiful.
What could have been us.
I miss the length of your fingertips. I miss your thick brown hair and button nose. I miss your smile that was the weakness in my knees. I miss the way you'd look at me from across the room and the way your face would soften, your eyes fixating on me like I was a piece of art you were trying to comprehend. I miss your excitement over little things and your anxiety from the rest. I miss the way you would calm me down with your relaxing voice and soothing words. I miss your reason. Your intelligence. Your dreams and high expectations. Your perseverance. Your dog and how he would never listen to you. The way you can't yell, even if you tried. Your secrets and your past.
I miss the way you'd play your guitar and sing to me. I miss the random rhymes you'd come up with and say through laughter. I miss how you'd say exactly what was on your mind. I miss the way you would come up from behind me and kiss my neck. I miss your sex and the way you'd explore my body.
I never thought I'd say this after making my decision, but I miss you.
I miss all of you.
