FLORIDA:
"Just finish school first," said everyone. I didn't even need to think of specific conversations, they all just blended together. I knew that would be the right decision, the decision my parents would agree with, the route society would happily support. I knew many of my friends would tell me, "two years will go by fast," or "you'll be there before you know it" and I'd agree, because that's what I should do. It was rational. It was smart. I'd be "thinking about my future." What brings me the most money, what would be the most beneficial.
"But what if I'm not happy?"
And no one flinched. "School. School. School..." like a broken record I heard the word over and over. There was no grey area; everything had to be black or white. There was no neutral decision; Switzerland didn't exist.
"You worked so hard to get into that school, school isn't supposed to make you happy, but it will later."
NEW YORK:
"Just finish your degree here," said a few. Or others, "you can always go back to school." And the grey area that no one talked of in Florida became infinite, filled with ideas of what I could do, of what could happen now or in the future. It was a decision I was considering, a decision I wanted everyone else I cared about to support. I knew that wasn't going to be the case.
Bottom line, a selfish line, most people had the same word in mind, and instead of it sounding like a broken record it sounded like my favorite song on repeat: "Happiness. Happiness. Happiness..." And most of them would smile with excitement for me because they had a similar experience.
"New York is full of people who just did it. Who didn't think about what was going to happen, but they made it happen, because it was what they wanted. Because it made them happy."
"New York is full of people who just did it. Who didn't think about what was going to happen, but they made it happen, because it was what they wanted. Because it made them happy."
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If everything tells us to risk it, to leap without looking, to take the chance- in movies, fiction novels, your parents best bedtime story- when faced with the ultimatum, how are we supposed to do the right thing?
To keep our selves from making mistakes?
To think clearly, to plan ahead, to ponder the repercussions?
What keeps us from not just doing when we want a happy ending? When that's what we dream about when we sleep and daydream about when we're awake?
"You're going to do what makes you happy, you always have. I'm just not sure it's the right thing to do at such a big risk of never going back to school."
I smiled at my mother through the phone, my mother that knew me so well. There was no denial in her tone- it was diluted with worry and disappointment.
I ignored it.
I ignored it.
I knew what I wanted to happen.
"Next summer everything is going to change," I paused.
"If it already hasn't."
