It's the last weekend of summer, and the first weekend I've spent alone in my new house. I've developed a routine, one I was slightly expecting to happen: sleep with the cats, walk around in the nude to make coffee, or light incense, getting ready for work with my iTunes playing loudly from my room. I did not expect to take baths, which I have done each day with a book in hand -it's been very relaxing and humbling.
I'm reading The Perks of Being a Wallflower again for the 4th time, and I guess I could say it's even better now than the last time I opened it's weary pages in high school. It makes me think, and laugh, and cry, and feel human through each word Charlie writes anonymously.
Today, specifically, I thought about this routine that has been developing, and then I thought about it's holes. What it was missing. And then I get a text from you.
You're the only thing that's missing right now. It puts a hole through my chest each time I dwell on the thought of our lives colliding. Us living in the same state, same county, or same town.
And then sometimes, like right now, I get this nauseating feeling. A feeling that makes me sick to my stomach.
What if we never get to experience this life together? Or even worse, what if we're too afraid to take the chance or even try? People do this everywhere. They date, and one moves away, or they meet incidentally on a rainy night in New York and kiss in the storm till sunrise, and then the girl goes back to Florida while the boy stays in New York because he just moved there two months ago, from Florida.
"You just have to sit back and think to yourself, is it going to be worth it? Is it going to be worth all those moments you're alone, and you wish he was with you, and it just kills you inside how much you long for his hand in yours. It's going to be hard, but you have to remember, every moment you're not physically together makes those moments when you are so worth it. It makes the distance disappear, and for awhile, you're perfectly happy."
I stared at my coworker who I just met and who I may never see again with a half-smile on my face.
"I know it's worth it, I just need to prove it, for him. And then he'll know, this has all happened for a reason. And it's worth it."
